Shadow Reaper Read online

  I curled my own into a fist, fighting the urge to claw her hand away. Ryder was mine. I’d loved him for four years. I’d risked my life to save his and what did she do? Slap on a few bandages and she got to kiss his boo boos better? Fucking bitch.

  I exhaled and stood up quickly. “I just remembered, I have to see Blake about something. I’ll catch you guys later.”

  “I’ll be back on duty before you know it,” Ryder called after me, but I didn’t look back, I couldn’t, because the tears were gathering again. and I’d exhausted my acting ability for the day.

  CLAY

  Clay hadn’t spoken to Blake all day—some super-secret council meeting or something. Sometimes he wished that his lover would open up to him more, tell him the things that plagued him. He’d lost count of the number of nights he’d lain awake listening to Blake whimper in his sleep. The pressures of running the Eye, the pressures of being the heir to a legacy were too much, and now this stupid council meeting had taken him away for the whole day, which meant that he would probably take the night shift at the Eye to make it up to whoever covered for him. Night time was high activity for the critters and it was the monitor’s job to ensure they never got too close to Shelter, although it seemed as if the critters had learned not to get too close to the electrical defences set up around Shelter’s perimeter.

  Clay stared at the empty bed. He didn’t feel like sleeping, not yet. He needed someone to talk to. He needed Ash, although he’d never admit that to her. He was the older twin after all, older by a whole five minutes and he was a guy, so she was his responsibility. Still, there were times when he needed her shoulder. She was always so . . . full of life, so glass-half-full.

  Yep he needed to see his sister.

  ***

  Her room was empty and panic seized him. Where could she be at this time of night? Had she gone out on another one of her rogue reaps underground even after she’d promised not to? No, she wouldn’t, not so soon after the Shadowland incident, and Ryder . . . Ryder! Of course, she’d gone to see Ryder, to tell him how she felt. They were probably together right now, celebrating their love. His lips quirked in a grin. Yeah, teasing those two would be fun.

  He made his way quickly to the infirmary. He’d bust in on them and play the big brother card, the “you better not hurt my sister” speech was all ready in his head by the time he got to the infirmary. He pushed open the door a crack and peeked in. Yeah, something was definitely going on. Ryder was lying on his side with his back to the door and a slender trouser-clad leg was slung casually over his thigh.

  Clay grinned. They were celebrating their love all right.

  He cleared his throat and Ryder jumped, glancing sharply over his shoulder. “Clay? Hi. What are you doing here?”

  Clay quirked a brow. “I could ask you the same thing. Now, can I please talk to—” Clay snapped his mouth closed as a tousled brown head peered at him over Ryder’s right shoulder. Not Ashling, definitely not Ashling. Nina’s elfin face was flushed, her green eyes bright.

  Shit.

  “I thought Ash might be here, but I can see you’re busy. I’ll catch you later.” He spun on his heel and stalked back out into the corridor.

  Ryder and Nina. Shit. Did Ash know? Of course she knew. And he knew exactly where she’d be.

  He found her in the training room, beating the crap out of a punching bag dangling from the ceiling. The training room was huge, equipped with every kind of equipment needed to stay in shape. The government had thought of everything. There were five generators that ran the facility, powered by the River Thames, and five backup generators should anything go wrong. Thank goodness, so far, in the last nineteen years, they’d had no generator issues. Shelter always had power.

  He knew Ash sensed his presence. Her shoulders tensed, but she kept hitting the bag. He wondered whose face she was seeing—Ryder’s or Nina’s?

  “Both,” she said.

  He smiled. It was uncanny how well she could read him sometimes.

  She spun, brought her leg up and kicked the bag so hard it went flying.

  She slumped to the ground, exhausted.

  He waited for the bag to stop swinging manically, then approached and crouched next to her. Her bare arms were coated in a fine sheen of perspiration, and she was still breathing heavy.

  “I know it hurts right now, but trust me, it will get better.”

  She looked up at him, her eyes moist. “I know that. I just . . . I needed to hit something.”

  “I know.”

  “I mean, I keep wondering if it’s my fault, if I waited too long. What if I’d said something sooner?”

  “I don’t know if that would have made a difference, Ash. Ryder strikes me as the kind of guy who gets what he wants. If he wanted you, then . . .”

  “Wow! Thanks.” She stood and began to walk away.

  “Ashling. Wait. I didn’t mean it like that . . .” But she was gone. He could be such a dick sometimes.

  ASH

  I got as far as the corridor outside the training room and realised it wasn’t Clay I was pissed at. It was myself. I considered going back and apologising, but I wasn’t ready to face the hugs and the “it’ll be okay” speech yet. I needed to be pissed off a little longer. I needed to vent, to act, to do something. And then it hit me. Here I was, whining over Ryder and his unfathomable attraction to Nina, when there was so much more to be worrying about. The Cusp was tapped, we needed to go farther. I wondered if Bernadette had any more news about what the council was planning. She was pretty good at extracting information from Finn. Man, she must have some skills in the sack.

  A smile replaced my frown as I headed toward the female living quarters. Bernadette was a corridor away from me. We’d chilled out a few times since we’d made the same Reaper team, and she was pretty cool, but Ryder had taken up most of my time. I could’ve kicked myself as I realised that the only friend I really had was Ryder, and he’d probably be too busy with his tongue down Nina’s throat to bother with me now.

  Dear Mother I was a horrible person. Why couldn’t I be happy for them?

  I passed my own quarters, headed on to the intersection, the fluorescent lights in the wall flickering as I turned right onto Bernadette’s street. That’s what we called the living quarter corridor maze: streets. I think whoever built this place wanted to make it seem less clinical and more like home. Shame they couldn’t make the living quarters any roomier. Families had larger quarters, but singles like me and Bernadette . . . we got a box.

  Bernadette’s door was closed, so I raised a fist to knock, but the door swung open before I could make contact, and a flushed hooded figure exited. A member of the Order of the Mother. I stepped back in confusion and the girl, around my age, ducked her head, lowered her lashes and glided off.

  I entered Bernadette’s room to find her with her back to me, muscles rippled across her broad shoulders as she pulled on her fabric bra. My mouth fell open in shock. Bernadette and a member of the Order?

  She didn’t even look my way. “Shut the door, Ash. You’re letting in a draft.”

  I kicked the door shut and leaned against it, crossing my arms. “I thought you had a thing for Finn?”

  She finished buttoning her shirt and turned to me. Her hair was damp, curling against her cheekbones. Her hazel eyes twinkled and her lips twitched. “Who says I don’t?”

  “But you were just with that chick.” I jerked my thumb toward the door.

  She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes going misty. “Yeah, damn, that was good. The things that girl can do with her tongue . . .” She exhaled and shook her head. When I didn’t respond, she cocked her head, regarding me through narrowed eyes. “You ever tried it?”

  “Tried what?”

  She advanced on me until I was pressed up against the door and braced a hand either side of me. “A woman. Down there.” She glanced down at my crotch. “Someone who knows exactly what to do with their mouth, with your clit, to get you off.”
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  I felt heat bloom in my belly. What could I tell her? That my only sexual encounter had been with my own hand? “I don’t swing that way.”

  “What way is that, Ash? The way where you get to fuck whomever you want, whenever you want, no rules?”

  I blinked at her in surprise. My hard-girl-act melted under her intense gaze. Shit, she was hot. I’d never really noticed before, and yeah, I was horny, but I didn’t swing that way. Although, in that moment, with her body so close, her breath so warm on my cheek and the proposition of an orgasm that I didn’t have to work for on the table, I was tempted.

  She kept me locked in that moment for a long beat and then pushed off the door laughing. “Shit, Ash, you should see your face.”

  I relaxed. “Bitch!”

  She threw herself onto her bed and patted the spot next to her. “I can tell something’s bothering you. Come tell Aunty Bernadette all about it.”

  I parked my butt and looked down on her. “I don’t think I got the chance to tell you . . .”

  “What?”

  “Thanks. For pulling me out. For not giving up on me or Ryder.”

  Bernadette snorted. “Like any half-decent person would have cut you guys off. Fred’s an arsehole. George, bless his heart, stuck to it. He helped get the winch going too. You were stupid and reckless, but I respect what you did. Ryder better make it up to you with a good shag as soon as he’s on his feet. It’s about time you two got it on.”

  My face fell and she frowned.

  “What?”

  “Ryder’s seeing someone else.”

  She sat up. “Who?”

  “Nina, but you can’t tell anyone. They haven’t gone public yet.”

  “Nina? As in Nina the bland mousey thing? Doc’s niece Nina?”

  “Yeah, that Nina.”

  “Well, I didn’t see that coming.”

  I lay down and stared up at the ceiling.

  We lapsed into silence.

  Bernadette leaned in again, her eyes twinkling. “You know what would make you feel better?”

  “What?”

  “A mind blowing orgasm.”

  I groaned, throwing my arm across my eyes. “Thanks for pointing that out.”

  She laughed. “I’d help you out but you are so not my type.”

  “Really?” Now I was intrigued. “Why not?”

  “Well, you’re too . . . dominant. I like my women compliant.” She winked. “So, why did you come to see me?”

  “Just wondered if there was any news on Finn.”

  She shook her head. “Nothing. He won’t tell me anything, and I think he’s figured out I’ve been fucking the information out of him. He won’t see me.”

  “So he doesn’t trust himself not to spill the beans. That means it must be something big.”

  “Figures. I’ve been feeling twitchy all day. You know they’re making an announcement soon, the big reveal about the way forward. News has filtered down that the Cusp has been cleaned out.”

  “When are they announcing?”

  “Tomorrow, or the day after, not sure.”

  “Well, there’s nothing to do but wait then.”

  “And while we wait . . .” Bernadette leaned over the side of the bed and retrieved a bottle from under it. “We can get merry.”

  “Is that what I think it is?”

  “Yep, special brew, fucking strong as shit too.”

  “This isn’t gonna eat my liver is it?”

  “Nah . . . at least I don’t think so.”

  “Let’s do it.”

  Her eyes flared and her lips parted. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  ***

  Alcohol reduces inhibitions, it heightens whatever we’re feeling at the time and, man, I was horny. I couldn’t stop thinking about Bernadette’s tongue and that body of hers. So when Bernadette reached across to refill my cup, I grabbed her wrist, pulled her close and kissed her. I’d never kissed anyone before. This was a first, so I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right. Bernadette froze, and for a moment, I thought she was gonna push me away, but then she parted her lips and took over, pushing me down onto the bed and sliding on top of me. She kissed me until I couldn’t breathe and then reared back.

  “You sure?” she asked softly, her eyes hooded.

  I grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in for another kiss. Her hands found the buttons on my shirt, her fingers found my breasts, and I was lost in sensations I’d only imagined. When she unbuttoned my trousers and slid them off, I was aching for her to touch me there. I cried out as she slid a finger into me.

  “So wet,” she murmured against my ear, sliding her finger out and then circling my clit with her thumb.

  “Oh, God.” It felt so good, too good.

  “Oh, baby, it only gets better.”

  She slid down my body and parted my legs. The cool air excited me further, heightening the anticipation, and then her mouth covered me, her tongue went to work, and I lost all coherent thought.

  We lay there afterward, in a haze of alcohol and post-orgasm glow. I waited for the embarrassment and the regret to kick in, but nothing happened. I could feel Bernadette beside me, tense, waiting. I turned on my side to face her and clocked the look of doubt on her face before she covered it with a cocky smile.

  “You okay?” she asked.

  “Better than okay. That was . . . amazing. Thank you, you were right.”

  She frowned. “Huh?”

  “That orgasm has made me feel much better.”

  Her eyes widened and then she burst out laughing. I joined her a moment later.

  ASH

  If I was expecting things to be awkward after our little moment, then I was wrong. Strangest thing, but I felt even more comfortable with Bernadette than I had before. I felt closer to her, although we both agreed there would be no repeat of the little encounter.

  “No matter how much you beg,” she said.

  Our friendship was too important. Besides, I wasn’t her type. So why did I feel that little pang of disappointment? I was feeling refreshed and invigorated, despite the slight headache from the grog. When not reaping, Reapers train and help out around Shelter wherever the rota says. Since I’d spent the night in Bernadette’s quarters, I had to rush home, wash and change, and then head to the board to find out what the Powers That Be had in store for me today.

  I found them pinning up the days rota as we arrived. The Powers That Be—Ben and Vince, twins like Clay and I but identical—turned to me with a grin and a wink. Their parents ran Shelter’s domestic division, which basically meant they made sure shit ran smoothly and that everyone was where they were supposed to be at any given time. The twins had taken over rota management a year and a half ago. They were the oil in the machine, and the joke of calling them the Powers That Be had begun a year ago and it’d stuck. They were also in the minority of people who were still part of a complete family unit, with parents, grandparents, and children. It didn’t happen often. Most of us were orphans, or childless, or siblingless. We’d all lost someone, except the Powers That Be. They were intact and I think it made the name more fitting.

  “Bernie, you’re on maintenance with Clay. Ash, you’re helping out in the infirmary.”

  “What?” I shot Bernadette a panicked glance. “Can you swap with me?”

  “U-uh!” Ben wagged a finger. “You know the rules, no messing with the rota.”

  “Not unless there’s a very solid reason,” Vince said leaning in conspiratorially. “Is there a solid reason?”

  Yep, the guy I’m in love with is in there playing hide the tongue with his girlfriend. I pressed my lips together. “Nope. We’re good.”

  “Great, see you at the meeting, eight p.m., auditorium. Don’t be late.” Ben winked, his brown eyes crinkling at the corners. Vince nudged him and they moved away from the board.

  I don’t know why I bothered, but I double checked my rotation on the slim chance that they’d recalled wrong. Nope. There it was in black and white
.

  “It’ll be okay,” Bernadette said.

  I shook it off. “I’m so over him.”

  “That’s the spirit.” Bernadette blew me a kiss, spun on her heel, and went off to maintenance.

  Steeling myself, I took off in the opposite direction toward the infirmary.

  I was relieved to find Ryder’s bed vacant. He’d obviously been released, but the quarantine room next to his bed was occupied by the fragile forms of two kids I didn’t recognise: a boy who looked around five years old and a girl who looked to be a preteen. Their eyes were closed and the rise and fall of their chests told me they were both fast asleep. The pallor of their skin made me worry as to whether they’d be waking up again.

  “Ash, hey.” Nina entered the room from the clinic and waved me through. With one last look at the kids, I followed.

  “Thanks for coming in to help today.”

  Not like I had a choice, I wanted to say, but bit my tongue and smiled sweetly at her. “What can I do to help?”

  “Well, I have these samples to check and catalogue, so I really need someone to watch over the patients.”

  “The kids? Who are they?”

  “New arrivals. The father knows something about agriculture, or so he says. They let him in based on that assertion. That was two days ago. The kids were fine and then they fell ill. High fevers, vomiting, diarrhoea.” She shrugged. “Could be a host of things, probably a bacterial infection due to the unsanitary conditions outside. There’s nothing I can do but keep them quarantined and hope their bodies are strong enough to fight it off, whatever it is.”

  “And if they’re not?”

  She sighed. “Then they die.”

  “That’s harsh.”

  Her lips turned down slightly, and she gave me the “you poor naive thing” look. “People die, Ash. It’s the circle of life. Our world is filled with death and suffering.”

  I tucked my hands into my pockets to prevent myself from slapping her. What the fuck did she know of death? She’d never known hunger, or cold, or pain. She’d been born here, in the safety of Shelter, raised on decent food, hot showers, and warm beds. What the fuck did she know about suffering? Some of what I was thinking must have shown on my face because her expression shuttered.